I am coming into the last few weeks of this pregnancy. I have to admit it has by far been my hardest. Not because of the physical issues (although those have been a pain in the butt!) but more because mentally I was not prepared for this baby.
Dean and I had talked and said we would think about having our last child in a few years, when Lauren was 3 or so. A couple of weeks later we found out we were expecting. Going from a time table of 3 years to 9 months was a little more than I could handle!
I have been working hard this last couple of weeks to change my state of mind and get ready for this baby. It has been pretty difficult at times! However I think I am finally ready and okay with the thought of having 4 kiddos. I have spent the last few days washing clothes, preparing bedding, and getting a new playpen. Aside from a few small details we are ready to have a baby around here again.
I have managed to come to grips with yet another c-section and all the complications that could and will arise. I do not look forward to the insicion pain, the scaring, the walking like an elderly women for a while or any of the other inconviences that come from this kind of birth. I am still envious of those who can have a normal birth and labor without all the issues I face. However instead of mourn the kind of birth I will have, this time I plan to celebrate. This is our last baby and I will focus on that. I will celebrate this final child like I havent been able to before. I am planning on postpartum depression so that I am not blindsided by it like last time.
It has taken me a long time to wrap my head around all of this but I am ready. And good timing because 44 days is not that long at all!!
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