The final 44 days

**Often I am caught off gaurd by shirt being thrust up and hands swarming and rubbing my stomach. The kids talk to the baby and try to get it to kick in response to a name.**

I am coming into the last few weeks of this pregnancy. I have to admit it has by far been my hardest. Not because of the physical issues (although those have been a pain in the butt!) but more because mentally I was not prepared for this baby.

Dean and I had talked and said we would think about having our last child in a few years, when Lauren was 3 or so. A couple of weeks later we found out we were expecting. Going from a time table of 3 years to 9 months was a little more than I could handle!

I have been working hard this last couple of weeks to change my state of mind and get ready for this baby. It has been pretty difficult at times! However I think I am finally ready and okay with the thought of having 4 kiddos. I have spent the last few days washing clothes, preparing bedding, and getting a new playpen. Aside from a few small details we are ready to have a baby around here again.

I have managed to come to grips with yet another c-section and all the complications that could and will arise. I do not look forward to the insicion pain, the scaring, the walking like an elderly women for a while or any of the other inconviences that come from this kind of birth. I am still envious of those who can have a normal birth and labor without all the issues I face. However instead of mourn the kind of birth I will have, this time I plan to celebrate. This is our last baby and I will focus on that. I will celebrate this final child like I havent been able to before. I am planning on postpartum depression so that I am not blindsided by it like last time.

It has taken me a long time to wrap my head around all of this but I am ready. And good timing because 44 days is not that long at all!!