Oct 5, 2010

Finding home

Its been on my mind lately how things work in life.  How one discion can impact everything in your life while another doesn't even ripple the surface.  We have had so many HUGE things go on in the last few weeks that my mind is reeling.  Most days it seem a small miracle that I even get through it all.  I am the positive polly in our house.  I try to see the good in all things but sometimes I wonder if there is anything positive.  Sometimes its a real stretch to find the positive, but I try.  One day I am sure we will look back on this time in our lives and shake our heads and wonder if we were crazy.....right now I just feel crazy.

The house is an insane mess with the list growing day by day.  We don't know what the purpose to this whole thing has been.  We have felt for 3 years we needed to come here, to this house specifically and yet it is not home.  I dont know if it ever will be.  While we love the structure (much to the dismay of others lol!) the house is not our home, this town is not our town.  We have this sinking feeling that this isjust a pit stop on our journey.  We don't have any idea what is in store for us in the future and that is unsettling.  We really thought this is where we were going to be for a long time.  Now though, we aren't so sure.  While some may think this funk is because of the list of things that must be done, we know otherwise.  We love to tackle a list, we love remodeling, we love finding what a space wants to become, we look forward to those things. 

However this place just isn't home and who really wants to tackle those things when it feels so temporary.  We are trying to be positive, well I am anyway, that there really is a purpose to this, but secretly I am faltering.  I am ready to throw the towel in, pack it all up and move on. 

So here we sit in this really weird limbo with no where to really soothe us.  So in the meantime I will make yet another list, this one is full of all that I am thankful for and hopeful for.

(In no particular order)

1.  Its fall and beautiful.
2.  The fog made an appearance today and all seemed right with the world for a short moment.
3.  A house, while it may not be home it does shelter and for that I am greatful.
4.  A sister I can laugh hysterically with.
5.  Coughs, bathroom cabinets, and just had to be there but its for the aforementioned sister! ;)
6.  A wonderful beautiful family, that while drive me to the brink of insanity, but also ground me more than anything in the world.
7.  Prayer
8.  Really great music
9.  Crockpot cooking because the smells make me feel all warm and gooey inside.
10. Fabric because it inspires me to create the world that I want to see.

Enjoy the beautiful fall that is upon us, and if you have "home", say a little prayer of thanks and count your blessings.

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