Rejoice!

Today in church we read a verse that I have read many times before but never really took note of.  Today though, it really caught my eye.  In fact I have pondered it over and over until I finally decided it needed to be shared here.

"And I saw that I must soon go down to my grave, having been wrought upon by the power of God that I must preach and prophesy unto this people, and declare the word according to the truth which is in Christ.  And I have declared it in all my days, and have rejoiced in it above that of the world." Enos 1:26 (Book of Mormon)

Today it was the bold part that caught my attention.  Rejoiced in it....what do we rejoice in day after day.  What is it we would declare and rejoice in?  My thoughts at first were very much centered on my spiritual beliefs but then soon I wandered down another train of thought.  If we claim that something matters to us, shouldn't we be rejoicing every single day?  I know I am not the only one that finds myself pulled into the pit of "if only....what if.... why not me...." and on and on.  What if instead of seeing everything around us as a chore, a duty, a burden, a bore, what if we rejoiced in it?

This week my goal is to rejoice in all that comes my way, especially those that surround me.  I want to rejoice in life just like a child, with my eyes wide open (and mouth judging from the pictures) and a heart full of joy.  What better way to spend the time?

What are you rejoicing in?

Mental Illness and Nutrition

This post has been floating in my head for sometime now.  I have debated long and hard at how much I wanted to share and if this space was the right place to do so.  I have decided that yes it is, this is after all my online journal.  My only journal really.

I come from a family with a strong line of mental illness.  Depression at the very least with lots of wonderful bipolar and other odds and ends thrown in for fun.  I have been fortunate to escape the bipolar diagnosis however I do have my battle with depression at times.

Growing up as a child of someone who has a series and undiagnosed mental illness is something of a roller coaster adventure.  The highs on the coaster are the memory making kind but the lows, oh the lows, there are no words.  As a child you assume all is well, that every family has these issues to deal with.  As a teenager I found my rebellion to be wrought with guilt and a general F* the world attitude.  It's very hard to test the waters when you are overrun with guilt on what the consequence may be, and not your consequence, but the mental stability of someone you love.

At some point in my life I decided to eschew all that I saw represented my family life, leading myself to become known as the family prude.  I embraced this derogatory title with glee.  At this point I also made a pact with myself to make health be a very conscious choice for myself.  Afterall the tsunami of Issues I dealt with could be at least controlled with proper choices right?  Yup, a theory that has proven itself to me time and time again.

So what do I do to keep myself healthy, happy AND not depressed? A few things...

1.  I don't drink, smoke or do drugs.  These may seem like no brainers to some of you and to others you may be picking your jaw up off the ground.  "What! No wine with dinner?" Lol. Nope not for me.  I have seen the devastating effects of alcohol for years.  I know that most people are able to control their consumption.  However, it's not something I will even touch.  Drinking numbs the senses and the brain, making reaction time slower as well as disrupting normal brain patterns.  I decided long ago to embrace what I feel and not hide the pain/unhappiness/lonliness etc with drinking.  Drugs and smoking are no brainers for me.

2.  I talk.  Huh, you say?  Well I am big on communication.  I let it out when it bugs me.  Rarely do I have passive aggressive moments, rarely do I blow up, but always I talk (much to my husbands dismay at times).  I refuse to let something sit and fester.



3. I eat healthy.  I have no addictions or vices (well there is sourdough bread, that just might count hmmm).  I choose to eat things that I know will strengthen me, nourish me, and balance me.  Do I eat fast food?  Rarely, maybe 5 times a year.  Do I drink soda? Nope, I want all the calcium in my bones as possible thanks!  Broccoli and tomatoes make me happy, cheese obviously makes me very happy, and bread makes me happy.  I don't need the other garbage clogging everything up.

4.  I take supplements when needed.  If I am feeling depression sinking in I take Vitamin D and Vitamin E.  Those at my latitude can not get sufficient Vitamin D from the sun without running naked for many, many hours.  I've had 4 kids, there will be no public nakedness in this lifetime.  Vitamin D aids in the production of norepinephrine and dopamine for healthy brain function.



5.  I take a whole food multi vitamin.  If you are prone to depression or other mental illness, a multi vitamin can help to balance or begin restoring depleted vitamin stores.  I know there are some who do not think a vitamin is necessary but for those of us prone to depression it is needed, especially is during your depressed state you do not eat well (or at all).  Balance is a good thing!

6.  Exercise.  This one needs to be the number 1 on my list as exercise causes all sorts of happy things to happen in the body.  It releases endorphins, helps hormones, cleans the blood, and floods the brain with yummy new blood.  Movement is good!  This is the hardest one for me in the middle of depression though, maybe because it is so needed.

7. I have faith.  I know this one isn't nutrition related but I have noticed a distinct difference in what I can handle compared to friends who do not have faith.  Notice I am not specific here, I say faith not religion.  Having faith in a divine power or God brings internall peace which has impact on cortizone and hormone levels.

There are many  more things that one can do to help balance mood/hormones.  These are just a few that work for me.

How do you stay balanced and happy?  (Speak up, I know it's a tough topic to talk about but lets help each other out.)

 This post part of Frugal Days Sustainable Ways

New year here

With 2012 so close I can almost taste it, I can't help but think of what will become of us.  Each year, come December, I sit in amazement and wonder at all that has come and gone in our lives.  365 little days and it seems like the whole world can change, and really  it does.

2011 has been a spectacular and hard year for us.  I have jumped with elation and wanted to crawl into bed because of stress.  This yeas has been filled with ups and downs it's the ups that are in my thoughts right now.  So many fine moments spent with these people I am blessed to call family.  So many minutes have passed while these crazy kids of mine have grown, changed and learned.  So many moments.

I have spent the last day or two pondering happiness.  Why does happiness come so easily for some but not for others?  I think it comes down to action and thoughts.  We can not be happy without action.  Ignoring something that does not bring us happiness eats away at us, letting seeds of resentment, anger, and self-hatred take root.  Action must happen for all things to change.  With that are thoughts.  We can not let ourselves be paralyzed by the "what ifs" or "but...." or even "maybe later".  Denial and excuses are toxic little poisons meant to take away any chance of happiness.  Positive empowering thoughts paired with action create a force within us to change even the worst of circumstances.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.--Theodore Roosevelt

This year I do not want to be one of those cold timid souls knowing neither victory or defeat.  This year I choose action.  I choose to find my happiness.  I choose to change with the possibility of defeat but I will not stand timid and cold with nothing gained.  I refuse to play into the negative thought patterns that can cripple me.  I choose action.  I have a choice to create a happy home and body.  I choose to act, to do the things I know that I must to get the fulfillment I want out of life.

This coming year I decided to toss resolutions aside and adopt a word (an idea I picked up from the wonderful Heidi at Mount Hope Chronicles).  One single word that will be the focus of my year.  My focus word for 2012 is Health.  Without a healthy mind, body, marriage, and home there can not be happiness.  This year  Health is number 1.

I challenge all of you to make a change this year.  Hop on the treadmill if you need to lose a little weight, call up an old friend and reconnect, let go of family baggage that can drag you down, or even take up knitting and make scarves for everyone you know.  Change something this year for yourself and family.  Choose to change something that will empower you and make you feel like more.

May you all have a wonderful New Years. If you are inclined to do so, share your resolutions, theme, or word with us in the comments or on Facebook.  The more we can encourage the more we can accomplish.

Until 2012.....

 

Times are changing

Two years ago we walked into a hospital where the power was out.  Roads were closed, ice covered every surface, and temperatures were frigid.  It was the 21st of December and we were having our 4th and final baby.  It was a scheduled c-section so there wasn't a lot of hubbub of labor going on.  In fact we walked in well rested and joking.

Upon check in we were told that since the power was out they would most likely have to reschedule.  They had to reserve the generator power for emergencies.  I think my look conveyed my hormonal displeasure because the nurse quickly said "Oh lets just start your I.V. in case."  Good idea.

From there everything went as a c-section does with the added benefit of the power being restored.  Two hours after walking in we had a beautiful baby girl who kept her eyes open for most of her first 24 hours here.

Today that little (surprise) baby is a feisty and independent toddler.  She knows her mind and there is no changing it.EVER.  She is the first to give hugs, tackle for a dog pile, or set the table.  She has a smile that makes you giggle and a laugh that takes a few minutes to appear but once it does it warms your heart.

Today we close the door for the last time on infancy.  Toddler-hood and beyond is here.  Diapers are slowly going away, the last sippy cup lingers and all those sweet tiny baby clothes have made their way to a box (or the hands of others).  Replaced with all those are dolls, snowboots that can do damage when kicked, and the words "Me! I do!" repeated a million times a day.

Our lives are changing so quickly as we usher out one phase for another.  Time moves so quickly.  Today though, things will be slow as we celebrate and savor this little girl who completes our family so perfectly.

Happy birthday love, you are amazing.

Closing of a door

Today we packed away Laina's bed and set up her big girl bed, a regular ole' twin bed.  She grinned and grinned when she saw it and if I'm not mistaken stood a little taller.  Our lil' one is growing up oh so quick. 

Tonight I laid down beside her and felt that familiar bittersweet tug.  This lil' one of mine will be 2 in just two short months.  Two.  It seems like just yesterday she would curl herself into me making all those sweet baby grunts.  Its seems like yesterday that she would rest her hand on my chin while she slept in my arms.  The past is so close in my memories but still so far away.

Tonight as she got acquainted with a new bed and the dark, those chubby little fingers reached out for me more than once.  She rubbed my cheek with a sigh, found my nostril with a giggle, and eventually made her way from my hair to my chin where her hand rested for quite a while.



This sweet and sassy girl is the last of our kiddos to go through these little milestones.  Knowing she is our last has turned my attention to the little things just a bit more than before.  One day in the not too distant future I'll find myself sitting here in my favorite chair and think "Boy that was just yesterday.....oh wait that was years ago."  How quickly these moments pass us by.  How quickly it all changes.

Favorite Places

This time of year always makes me happy.  It makes me think of being a kid and playing night games in the middle of the street or sneaking kisses under apple trees as a teenager.  When it rains, like it did tonight, the smell takes me to Portland, Or as a young newlywed enjoying freedom like never before.





Now that the air has turned a bit crisp and the leaves lightly litter the library parking lot I have started to look for those few little places that make me smile.  I want home right now.  I want fresh bread baking, knitting (even though I don't knit), wool socks knit by my sister, sewing and good books.  It's what this time of year tells me I need.  There are two seasons present right now and  I am trying to enjoy a little of each.

 

Finding joy in the mundane

The last week flew right by me.  It was our first week of school (which was incredible) and our first week of extra curriculars.  And even though I was busy with all of that I still found myself with lots of time for laundry, dishes, and dusting. 

 

Do you ever feel like you spend a good portion of you day at the sink or the washing machine, etc?  Sometimes I have no problem with these little mundane tasks and other times I loathe them!



Its all a frame of mind (as most things are).  I remember reading a blog a year or so ago about finding joy in the mundane.  At the time I was weighted down with the world, every thing in our life was a stressful mess, and even looking at the ever growin pile of laundry would send me into tears.  Then I found the post.  Talk about saying what I needed to hear!  I have remembered that post and think about it nearly everyday.



Because really there is joy in the mundane.  There is joy in the sock basket, the dust pan, and the linen closet.  Its just up to us to find it.  On the good days its easy to see these little blessings, the little nuggets of joy that come with caring for a family.  On the bad days its not so easy.  On these days I find myself saying a little prayer that I might be able to see something miraculous, something joyful, something wonderful.  Once I open my eyes and calm my mind I can in fact see them.

Establishing roots

As I previously mentioned in this post, I never planned to live here.  In fact Eastern Idaho was the last place on my "must live" list.  But now that I am here I find myself getting settled more and more.  There is a familiarity with the area that stems from a few years spent here during high school.  I find myself going for drives and pointing out little things to the kids...." That canal I used to swim in at night."  "We used to have bonfires here in the summer." and on and on.  The more time I spend here the  more it feels like home. 

I think whats pulling me in quicker than anything are the views that surround me.  On drives, out the front door, or on my morning walk I am surrounded by beauty that just feels right.  I look forward to our weekly trip to the mountains, for I get to see these beautiful fields of wheat and then the mountains and trees. 

Sometimes the place that feels the most like home is the last place you'd expect.  So so true.

 

Bloom where you are planted

{This little seedling is growing in the dirt of a fall tree.  This dirt is clinging to the exposed roots over a 5 foot deep hole.  Talk about blooming where your planted!}

It's a phrase I think of often.  Maybe because I have a nasty case of Iwannatravelbutcan't-itis.  It's a nasty disease for sure.  I remember as a young girl of 5 or 6, sitting on my grandpa's knee.  I was riding a pony while he bounced me up and down over and over again.  He would say "Where ya headed now girl?" and I would say random things like the store, home etc.  On this particular day he asked me where I was headed and I shouted out "Vermont!".  He chuckled and I rode to Vermont that day.  From that day forward I wanted to go to Vermont.  Every report in school was about Vermont, every attempt at drawing was the state bird of Vermont or the mountains.  Autumn became my favorite time of year and I wished enthusiastically every time 11:11 (am or pm) came around that I would find myself one day in Vermont. 

As a teenager I changed this wish just a little and threw in "Let me meet a wonderful boy....in Vermont."  For close to 20 years I dreamed of going to Vermont.  All that time I lived in a multitude of places, visited many places in the western US and while I fell in love with some of them (Portland Or anyone?  No? How about the coast of Oregon or Wa?) I had that ever nagging thought in my mind... "Yes it is wonderful but it's no Vermont" (or in later years Maine since my practical nature kicked in when I found out it was cheaper!).

 

A year or so ago I gave up my life long dream of ever going to New England.  I finally said, "One day we will travel to see all the amazing historical places of the region, taste fresh syrup (or watch it begin from the tap), and see the beauty but it will not be now.  I am okay with this."  My husband didn't believe me bless his heart.  You see in the middle of my breakdown last year I came to realize that I had been wishing my life away.  I wanted so badly to be in another place that I could not see the great things around me.

Over the last couple of years I have slowly come to peace with the fact I live in Idaho and not necessarily the pretty part and that I will most likely never own a chunk of land in the middle of no where (and I do mean the middle!).  I came to realize that sage brush can be pretty, that barren expanses of sand can be beautiful and that fall does not have to mean more falling leaves than any one person can handle. 

It's all a state of mind.  Happiness is a state of mind, contentment is a state of mind, joy is a state of mind.  For me, this year has been about finding these things, right where I am.  The year is not through yet and I am making baby steps.  I choose to find the beauty around me, because it is there. 

Hope you have a wonderful week.  Bloom where you are planted! 

Notes to me

Dear 10 yo me,
You are fantastic.  You are great and you are wonderful how you are.  Stop thinking you look chubby in your hand-me-down swim suit and just play.  Quit worrying about boys, they will be there in a few years.  Always stop and think before making a decision, some choices will impact you for the rest of your life.

Always read, laugh, and try to remember the good times for it will be years before you are easily able to find any. There are some bumpy years ahead, keep your feet on the ground and you'll come out just fine.

Love, Me

Dear 15 yo me,
Oh my, its okay to lay off the drama queen role.  Things are tough, unbearable at times for sure, but you can and will make it through.  You will be okay, and while life is not close to what you thought it would be, you will be fine, maybe even better for it.  Stay calm in the face of chaos.  One day you will be able to put all this behind you and  even forgive.  Just keep breathing.  Be a good friend to those around you for many of them will stay with  you for a lifetime. Pray.

Love, Me

Dear 20 yo me,
Oh how life has surprised you!  Life is good and great but put the past behind.  Don't worry and fret so much.  You are special and wonderful.  Your heart may hurt right now but use it to grow.  You will have the choice to let this moment define you and change  you.  Let it change you, learn from it, grow.  You have so much waiting for you.  Be thankful for all that you have been given.  Stop being stubborn
Love, Me


I wanted to write myself a letter today, something to set aside to read at 40 but nothing is coming.  So instead I have written a list of things I have learned over the last 29 years.  On the eve of my 30th birthday I am feeling pretty thankful for this life I have been given.  I have come through things I thought would kill me and others that have filled me with more happiness then I though possible.  Here is to another fantastic decade full of love and growth.

 *Nothing is ever set in stone.


*Even those you love can/will let you down.

*Forgiveness and acceptance are the two hardest things to do, especially when it comes to those you love.

*French fries taste fantastic dipped ice cream.

*You can never have too much faith.

*Laughter is the best medicine, no matter what life throws your way!

*Friendship is the most powerful blessing in this world.

*A true friend is a light in the darkness.

*All topping combos you can think of taste great on a saltine cracker.

*Love is a gift.

*You cannot have love where disrespect exists. They go hand in hand.

*We are always stronger than we think.

*Always be prepared, especially when skinny dipping.

*A good influence can start at any age and leave a lasting impact on a life.

*Even black sheep can find a flock they are at home in.

*Reading is never a waste of time.

*There are always exceptions to the rules.

*Dean Koontz is the only author I have ever put in the "waste of time category".

*Always tell someone you love them, you never know when they will be gone for good.

*Flowers always make you a little happier.

*Prayer always works, even if we don't want the results.

*A shaking skateboard means abandon ship!

*Some people are gifted with a twisted sense of humor, call them when you really need a pick me up.

*Pain is always funnier when it isn't yours.

*Laugh at your pain, it really does make you feel better.

*Parents are not perfect, they are just as flawed as the rest of us.

*Some of the most hilarious moments are also the most awkward.

*No matter whose fart it is, people blush and giggle.

*Never remove your Grandmas wig even if you do want to show a friend that she is in fact bald from cancer.

*Saying Kraft Jett Puffed Marshmallows a million times a million ways will always bring a smile to your face.

*High school may be fun but it is not the highlight of life.

*Its the small things in life that are the most beautiful.

*Surprise yourself, you never know what good can come of it.

*There is nothing like a baby in your arms, hold tight but not to tight, just love them!

*Never, ever think you can pull off a short hair cut, no matter how cool everyone else looks (see photo above for proof of this!). Curly hair is much different than straight!