Colors of Fall

Fall seems to be leaving as quickly as it came.  Many of the trees around us are nearly bare and the nights are downright cold.  The smell of wood burning is in the air and the fields have been cleared and put to rest for a season.  This is my favorite time of year.  I find the winding down and tucking in to be just what I need.  There is something relaxing and soothing about preparing for winter.  One of my favorite sounds is of the ax splitting wood.  Everything about this time of year makes me think of home, warmth and laughter.  The colors bring joy to my heart.  They offer me some sort of peace that I really can not describe.  Every autumn I feel  like I am home and I belong.

When I was a kid I spent a lot of my summer hanging out with my grandparents in Island Park, Id.  We would make the trip up a couple times over summer break.  We would got to West Yellowstone, where I would always get a mood ring, rock candy suckers and eat at a place called Chris's.  I loved spending those summers with my grandparents.  We would spend hours driving around with my aunt and uncle.  My aunt would bicker and complain for what seemed like ever.  It became a soundtrack to the trip and still to this day when I drive those streets I hear her voice talking to m y grandma.  I see my grandpa sort of staring off into space and I see my uncle bouncing his leg and fidgetting.  But the thing that always stands out to me in every single memory of Island Park is Indian Paintbrush.  My grandma loved the flower and would make us stop our drive so she could photograph it with her awesome (to me) Nikon.  I squealed when I saw these two flowers swaying under a tree.  I gave everyone a heart attack when I squealed.  It was my grandmas flower, I had to take a picture....or two....or maybe 10. Grandma taught me you can never have too many pictures of Indian Paintbrush.

Have a beautiful week everyone!

Colors of Fall

Fall seems to be leaving as quickly as it came.  Many of the trees around us are nearly bare and the nights are downright cold.  The smell of wood burning is in the air and the fields have been cleared and put to rest for a season.  This is my favorite time of year.  I find the winding down and tucking in to be just what I need.  There is something relaxing and soothing about preparing for winter.  One of my favorite sounds is of the ax splitting wood.  Everything about this time of year makes me think of home, warmth and laughter.  The colors bring joy to my heart.  They offer me some sort of peace that I really can not describe.  Every autumn I feel  like I am home and I belong.

When I was a kid I spent a lot of my summer hanging out with my grandparents in Island Park, Id.  We would make the trip up a couple times over summer break.  We would got to West Yellowstone, where I would always get a mood ring, rock candy suckers and eat at a place called Chris's.  I loved spending those summers with my grandparents.  We would spend hours driving around with my aunt and uncle.  My aunt would bicker and complain for what seemed like ever.  It became a soundtrack to the trip and still to this day when I drive those streets I hear her voice talking to m y grandma.  I see my grandpa sort of staring off into space and I see my uncle bouncing his leg and fidgetting.  But the thing that always stands out to me in every single memory of Island Park is Indian Paintbrush.  My grandma loved the flower and would make us stop our drive so she could photograph it with her awesome (to me) Nikon.  I squealed when I saw these two flowers swaying under a tree.  I gave everyone a heart attack when I squealed.  It was my grandmas flower, I had to take a picture....or two....or maybe 10. Grandma taught me you can never have too many pictures of Indian Paintbrush.

Have a beautiful week everyone!

On my mind

This sweet cheery girl has been on my mind for quite some time now.  She has the unfortunate experience of being our first child and therefore our guinny pig.  I have found myself over the last few weeks examining how we get to be who we are.  I can tell you a handful of childhood/young adult experiences that truley shaped me as a person.  Many of them were situations out of my control yet had such an intense impact on who I am today.  While my parents have never been the kind of parents I needed, they did the best they were willing to do.  I often thought when I was a kid that they were just making do until we were out of the house.  Sometimes I still think that but as I look back I see two people who had a lot going on (6 kids!) and who weren't really ready(or willing) to be parents.

However when it comes to our family I don't want to just get by.  I really want to be the very best parent I am possibly capable of being, trying everything I can to help shape these little people into outstanding people.  To me mothering is an intentional act.  Some women are inately a mother but most of us have to try and be the mother we wish to be.  As I have pondered our family and that sweet girl above, I realize that I have floated through this parenting maze with my head just barely above water.  There is so much to know and I feel so ill-equiped with thte knowledge.  For me, having a child who is different than what I thought she would be, this has intensified the drowning feelings.  I sometimes (okay very often) end my days with tears in my eyes because I fear I have failed this child. 

Over the years we have dealt with many different issues that have come up and sometimes I wonder if I have started to see only the "issues" instead of the little girl.  Sometimes my mind is so filled with "what will work?", "how can I fix, change, help, etc?", "what can I do?" that I have forgotten the very most important thing that I as a mother can do.  I must make my deep love of her known.  No matter what "problems", "differences", or "issues" come up I fear I have forgotten to let her know that I love her no matter what.  I love her for all her quirks.  I have forgotten that she is not an "issue" to be fixed but a gentle, loving little girl. 

So in the last few weeks I have been thinking how I can show this to her and accept her more.  As I ponder this more and more I have noticed that I am dealing with her differently.  I am seeing some of the old habits and frustrations slip away.  I am enjoying her for who she is instead of what I can fix.  (Can you tell I am a total type A, first born, personallity here, nope didn't think so!)  Things are  much smoother around here and oddly enough I am less inclined to change her and more inclined to embrace her differences, to view them as strengths rather than faults.

In the coming months I hope to see some positive changes in her but more importantly in Me and my expectations of our family. 

Anyway it was just on my mind.

On my mind

This sweet cheery girl has been on my mind for quite some time now.  She has the unfortunate experience of being our first child and therefore our guinny pig.  I have found myself over the last few weeks examining how we get to be who we are.  I can tell you a handful of childhood/young adult experiences that truley shaped me as a person.  Many of them were situations out of my control yet had such an intense impact on who I am today.  While my parents have never been the kind of parents I needed, they did the best they were willing to do.  I often thought when I was a kid that they were just making do until we were out of the house.  Sometimes I still think that but as I look back I see two people who had a lot going on (6 kids!) and who weren't really ready(or willing) to be parents.

However when it comes to our family I don't want to just get by.  I really want to be the very best parent I am possibly capable of being, trying everything I can to help shape these little people into outstanding people.  To me mothering is an intentional act.  Some women are inately a mother but most of us have to try and be the mother we wish to be.  As I have pondered our family and that sweet girl above, I realize that I have floated through this parenting maze with my head just barely above water.  There is so much to know and I feel so ill-equiped with thte knowledge.  For me, having a child who is different than what I thought she would be, this has intensified the drowning feelings.  I sometimes (okay very often) end my days with tears in my eyes because I fear I have failed this child. 

Over the years we have dealt with many different issues that have come up and sometimes I wonder if I have started to see only the "issues" instead of the little girl.  Sometimes my mind is so filled with "what will work?", "how can I fix, change, help, etc?", "what can I do?" that I have forgotten the very most important thing that I as a mother can do.  I must make my deep love of her known.  No matter what "problems", "differences", or "issues" come up I fear I have forgotten to let her know that I love her no matter what.  I love her for all her quirks.  I have forgotten that she is not an "issue" to be fixed but a gentle, loving little girl. 

So in the last few weeks I have been thinking how I can show this to her and accept her more.  As I ponder this more and more I have noticed that I am dealing with her differently.  I am seeing some of the old habits and frustrations slip away.  I am enjoying her for who she is instead of what I can fix.  (Can you tell I am a total type A, first born, personallity here, nope didn't think so!)  Things are  much smoother around here and oddly enough I am less inclined to change her and more inclined to embrace her differences, to view them as strengths rather than faults.

In the coming months I hope to see some positive changes in her but more importantly in Me and my expectations of our family. 

Anyway it was just on my mind.

Yellowstone Weekend

This past weekend we decided to pack up and head to West Yellowstone.  We left Friday night and crashed at my sisters place.  Saturday we headed up the mountain.  We stopped in West Yellowstone to grab a whopping $30 worth of candy! (Who knew fudge was worth $30!!) and then headed into the park.  The day was cold and rainy but very beautiful.  For most of our drive fog surrounded everything.  The sky was gray and it was a chilly 36 degrees.  It was wonderful.

Over the course of a few hours we saw many elk, including a massive bull (seen below), a Trumpeter Swan (either that or a Tundra Swan), Canadian Geese, bison, a coyote, ducks, squirrels, prong horn, Sandhill Crane (also pictured below), and a million ravens.  We made a game out of finding different animals.  Ian had a blast, Caitlin had a breakdown, and Lauren had a nap.  Dean and I enjoyed it and wished we could have stayed longer.

Yellowstone Weekend

This past weekend we decided to pack up and head to West Yellowstone.  We left Friday night and crashed at my sisters place.  Saturday we headed up the mountain.  We stopped in West Yellowstone to grab a whopping $30 worth of candy! (Who knew fudge was worth $30!!) and then headed into the park.  The day was cold and rainy but very beautiful.  For most of our drive fog surrounded everything.  The sky was gray and it was a chilly 36 degrees.  It was wonderful.

Over the course of a few hours we saw many elk, including a massive bull (seen below), a Trumpeter Swan (either that or a Tundra Swan), Canadian Geese, bison, a coyote, ducks, squirrels, prong horn, Sandhill Crane (also pictured below), and a million ravens.  We made a game out of finding different animals.  Ian had a blast, Caitlin had a breakdown, and Lauren had a nap.  Dean and I enjoyed it and wished we could have stayed longer.